[ She'd been asleep, finally. Not very long, not long enough to have fallen in deep, but it does take her a bit to groggily check her inbox. Only to find something from him, and in an instant, she's pushing herself half upright. And staring. He was back, he was back. ]
you're the Doctor, and you do what's best, to the best of your abilities. things cant be perfect, nothing can be. people die, and its awful and we mourn them, but the people who live and the people you save are no less important.
youre clean now. thiazi wont be infecting you anymore either.
[He's not how to finish that though. Every thought in his head is tripping over the one before it. What he did, what he could have done if he wasn't stopped, what he's going to do. Death, blood, pain. That's all he seems to be able to give anyone these days.]
[ And maybe she doesn't know how, and maybe she isn't 100% confident in herself, but. She can pretend. Maybe her instincts would have kicked in and she could have defended herself properly. Her Charm had seemed to give her some leverage at least and-- Let's not think about that. ]
it's over now, you don't need to be scared anymore.
[His face appears on the screen, looking physically rested but emotionally worn down to the bone. He has actually been around all day, but has only just now been able to bring himself to contact anyone.]
He's lucky to have you, you know. You are brilliant.
[Eight gives a little smile. It's the best he can manage at the moment.]
[ It takes her a few minutes... but eventually her own video flicks on. She does not look as rested. She does, however, look bed-strewn. Hair a mess, makeup completely gone (though it's been scarce lately anyway), and the slightest indentations on her cheek from where she'd lain against a rumpled blanket. Her hair is also damp; just dry enough to be an odd mixture of stringy curls. ]
We're all a bit lucky, I think. Bein' here and all. [ And a pause. ] He hasn't had me- back home, for a long while. I've been gone.
[ She watches him for a moment, not quite studying, but definitely letting the gears in her head work a little harder. To lie? To suss out a truth? Who knows. ]
[Oh. Oh no. Oh...yes. Confusion vanishes, replaced by a war between desperation and terror.
Desperation won.]
I'll be there soon.
[As soon as he can manage to find himself in Freya district from the burnt-out building he was hiding in, he's there, knocking very quietly on her door to try not to wake anyone else up.]
[ She nods a small amount and ends the feed as he sets out. It's definitely late; probably close to one or two in the morning. But it's quiet and she hears him in the stillness of the night (thank god it's quiet around here, for now).
The door opens and it's .. odd. Seeing him standing there, alive and breathing and not bleeding out everywhere. Her mind overlaps the images, and for a brief moment, she just stands there. Until she doesn't, and steps back just enough to offer him in. ]
[ And in a burst, she rounds on him. This sort of thing comes out in unimaginable ways, ways you can't predict for, even yourself. ]
Oh shut up-- You haven't upset me, an' I know you're sayin' that cause of what happened, and I don't-- That doesn't matter. It's over an' done with, an' it wasn't you. I chose t'stay an' watch, an' if that messes with my head then it's my own fault, not yours. S'just-- shut up.
Is that why you're acting like you're upset with me? Why you accuse me of whinging?
Alright, so it wasn't me, but it still kills me that you had to watch that. It's only natural when someone you-- you care about is hurt or upset.
[He's spoiling everything, he knows. He just doesn't know how to make her understand. There's nothing he can do, really. Mainly because he's just too damned afraid.]
You think it'd been better if I left? If I ran away like a child an' let you- let you die on your own? How's that better? I'd be--!
[ She pauses, forcibly bringing her volume down.] I'd be more messed up if I had left. You don't get it. You don't cause you weren't there- you haven't lived it yet an' that's fine.
But you've got a nasty habit of tryin' to send me away when you're hurt or in trouble, cause you think sparing me is the better option. An' it isn't. Every time you do- somethin' worse happens. You die or the universe decides enough is enough and rips us apart. So no, you don't get t'try an' make me understand, cause I get it. An' I don't care.
He suddenly freezes and just stares at her. That outburst explains so much, and now his irritation at her being angry with him for wanting to spare her the pain seem so trivial.
Taking a step forward, then two, he speaks in a quiet voice.]
One thing you should remember is that there is a reason for what they do, and that reason lies in their past. Which is me.
[Against his normal gentlemanly demeanor, he suddenly takes a step back again and strips off his jacket and the white t-shirt beneath, tossing them aside. The shyness has disappeared, mainly because baring his chest has a purpose behind it, and he can ignore the fact that he's bare-chested in front of Rose Tyler for a moment.
He takes her hand gently, if she'll let him, and rests her fingers against a wide scar in the center of his chest, between where his hearts would be, if he had two of them at the moment.]
[ She's not angry, not really. Frustrated, yes. Exhaustingly so. But for some reason (or maybe he is the reason), she finds telling him this so much easier than she might have any of the others. They know already, have their excuses and so on. Excuses is the wrong word for it, but it's the only term her mind is supplying.
So there is a might of confusion as he steps back, begins to strip. But there's no spark of something else- not right now, even if she can feel a part of her, perhaps her ears, tinting just a little bit darker. For a split second, she imagines she'll see the mark from the other night, the gaping wound, stitched up and healing. She doesn't, of course.
He was the reason they treated her like they did? Made choices for her, lied to her and treated her like she couldn't take care of herself. Because of him? So no, she doesn't pull away when he reaches for her hand. She's left merely in confusion as he lifts it, places it to his chest and while the room was dim, the touch seems to clue in her eyes; a scar. A large one, by the looks of it. And for a moment, she inhales, sharp and cold. But it was in the wrong spot for the wound he'd received only days ago. This was from something else.
Confusion writes itself across her face, eyes narrowing just slightly as her fingers curl and feel out the uneven flesh, softer and nerveless. ]
Someone ... [ The first name to come to mind is Charley. Because that's the only one she knows from this Doctor. ]
I was supposed to. I was going to.
[ But there's no conviction in her voice. She sounds small, suddenly, by comparison. ]
[For a moment, he's quite amazed that she can't feel the way his heart is pounding in his chest. He'd shown nobody this scar, and spoken to nobody about the moment except with those who were there.
His free hand reaches up and brushes wisps of hair back from her face.]
I know. I know... but that doesn't mean I wanted you to have to do it. I would have been as grateful to you as I am to Buffy, but if I could spare you that.
Especially not here. Not when I know that as long as we're here, it will never be forever. Sooner or later, all this will be gone, and you won't even remember who I am. I'd rather you didn't have to spend this time suffering on my account. I made Charley suffer like that enough. I will not do it to you, too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Text - Very late on night 333
text;
why?
text;
text;
text;
Might be best if I go grey for a while. To keep you safe. All of you.
text;
[ Funny, how easy it is to say things over text. ]
Re: text;
I killed so many innocent people. I'm going to kill so many more in my future. I don't even know what I am anymore.
text;
you're the Doctor, and you do what's best, to the best of your abilities. things cant be perfect, nothing can be. people die, and its awful and we mourn them, but the people who live and the people you save are no less important.
youre clean now. thiazi wont be infecting you anymore either.
text;
If Buffy hadn't been there...
[He's not how to finish that though. Every thought in his head is tripping over the one before it. What he did, what he could have done if he wasn't stopped, what he's going to do. Death, blood, pain. That's all he seems to be able to give anyone these days.]
text;
[ And maybe she doesn't know how, and maybe she isn't 100% confident in herself, but. She can pretend. Maybe her instincts would have kicked in and she could have defended herself properly. Her Charm had seemed to give her some leverage at least and-- Let's not think about that. ]
it's over now, you don't need to be scared anymore.
video;
He's lucky to have you, you know. You are brilliant.
[Eight gives a little smile. It's the best he can manage at the moment.]
video;
We're all a bit lucky, I think. Bein' here and all. [ And a pause. ] He hasn't had me- back home, for a long while. I've been gone.
... Unless you meant here.
video;
[He gulps and lowers his eyes.]
I mean in general, really. Here, when he has you by his side back home. He's lucky to have found you and had your love and support.
video;
[ And it's said with no small amount of honesty, either. She really wasn't having much sleep lately, regardless of how things in the city were. ]
Yeah, well. The lot'f you have got me here, so. Don't start whinging.
video;
[A look of confusion passes over his face.]
Rose? Have I said something wrong?
video;
... Can I see you?
video --> action
Desperation won.]
I'll be there soon.
[As soon as he can manage to find himself in Freya district from the burnt-out building he was hiding in, he's there, knocking very quietly on her door to try not to wake anyone else up.]
action
The door opens and it's .. odd. Seeing him standing there, alive and breathing and not bleeding out everywhere. Her mind overlaps the images, and for a brief moment, she just stands there. Until she doesn't, and steps back just enough to offer him in. ]
action
Rose, if I've upset you...I mean, other than what just happened...I mean, I--
[He holds his hands out, at a loss for words.]
action
Oh shut up-- You haven't upset me, an' I know you're sayin' that cause of what happened, and I don't-- That doesn't matter. It's over an' done with, an' it wasn't you. I chose t'stay an' watch, an' if that messes with my head then it's my own fault, not yours. S'just-- shut up.
action
Alright, so it wasn't me, but it still kills me that you had to watch that. It's only natural when someone you-- you care about is hurt or upset.
[He's spoiling everything, he knows. He just doesn't know how to make her understand. There's nothing he can do, really. Mainly because he's just too damned afraid.]
Please, Rose. Try to understand.
action
[ She pauses, forcibly bringing her volume down.] I'd be more messed up if I had left. You don't get it. You don't cause you weren't there- you haven't lived it yet an' that's fine.
But you've got a nasty habit of tryin' to send me away when you're hurt or in trouble, cause you think sparing me is the better option. An' it isn't. Every time you do- somethin' worse happens. You die or the universe decides enough is enough and rips us apart. So no, you don't get t'try an' make me understand, cause I get it. An' I don't care.
action
He suddenly freezes and just stares at her. That outburst explains so much, and now his irritation at her being angry with him for wanting to spare her the pain seem so trivial.
Taking a step forward, then two, he speaks in a quiet voice.]
One thing you should remember is that there is a reason for what they do, and that reason lies in their past. Which is me.
[Against his normal gentlemanly demeanor, he suddenly takes a step back again and strips off his jacket and the white t-shirt beneath, tossing them aside. The shyness has disappeared, mainly because baring his chest has a purpose behind it, and he can ignore the fact that he's bare-chested in front of Rose Tyler for a moment.
He takes her hand gently, if she'll let him, and rests her fingers against a wide scar in the center of his chest, between where his hearts would be, if he had two of them at the moment.]
I didn't always spare the ones I love the pain.
action
So there is a might of confusion as he steps back, begins to strip. But there's no spark of something else- not right now, even if she can feel a part of her, perhaps her ears, tinting just a little bit darker. For a split second, she imagines she'll see the mark from the other night, the gaping wound, stitched up and healing. She doesn't, of course.
He was the reason they treated her like they did? Made choices for her, lied to her and treated her like she couldn't take care of herself. Because of him? So no, she doesn't pull away when he reaches for her hand. She's left merely in confusion as he lifts it, places it to his chest and while the room was dim, the touch seems to clue in her eyes; a scar. A large one, by the looks of it. And for a moment, she inhales, sharp and cold. But it was in the wrong spot for the wound he'd received only days ago. This was from something else.
Confusion writes itself across her face, eyes narrowing just slightly as her fingers curl and feel out the uneven flesh, softer and nerveless. ]
Someone ... [ The first name to come to mind is Charley. Because that's the only one she knows from this Doctor. ]
I was supposed to. I was going to.
[ But there's no conviction in her voice. She sounds small, suddenly, by comparison. ]
action
His free hand reaches up and brushes wisps of hair back from her face.]
I know. I know... but that doesn't mean I wanted you to have to do it. I would have been as grateful to you as I am to Buffy, but if I could spare you that.
Especially not here. Not when I know that as long as we're here, it will never be forever. Sooner or later, all this will be gone, and you won't even remember who I am. I'd rather you didn't have to spend this time suffering on my account. I made Charley suffer like that enough. I will not do it to you, too.
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
action
Re: action
action
Re: action
action
action
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)